I realize I'm about a decade or two late on this but, hahahahah, I just got done watching Sonic the TV series (the good one, not the fucktarded one) and I have some words to entertain myself with (and maybe you).

A review of Sonic the Hedgehog/Sonic SatAM can be divided into two categories of review: Season One and Season Two.

Season one was dark, gritty, dramatic, with a solid air of desperation in the plot line and the character's actions... and I just ate it up. In fact, the vast difference in plotline between season one and two was the idea of relevancy. Season one had it, stroked it, molested it with tentacles like a hentai Japanese school girl. Season two, fondled it... tickled it... teased around with it like a pair of kissing cousins until they finally played doctor at the end of the second season.

It's not that season two was bad per se, it's just such a farcry from the first season, marring the euphoria that I basted in from those first glorious episodes of feeding my inner child.

What can I say about season one, except that it was just magnificent. Perfectly voice acted, written, and realized; it was easily enjoyable to any and all ages. In fact, it was a treat going back and being able to pick up some of the dialog that was obvious adult directed. Everything felt great about it, and I felt great viewing it, and I'm feeling a little more validated in picking Sonic as my childhood hero because of it.


After episode 12 of the series (starting season two), it almost completely takes a new direction, a completely mediocre direction. Everything seems to become less... serious, I'd say. The art style almost completely changes, and the stories become more nonsensical it seems (complete with a few jumping shark episodes), and Sonic becomes pretty mentally incompetent instead of the witty daredevil of before. His whole plan and solution to everything is defeating things with speed, and more speed, and variations of making his legs move at some improbable celerity. I'd say that the simpler art style does lend a hand towards the animation though, as it looks slightly more fluid, but considerably more cartoony and less enjoyable for me on the whole. That really vexes me since some of the backgrounds were quite the eye candy before the change, some of them made me stop the film just to take it all in—fuckin gorgeous stuff.

Also, they added in random characters for no reason, like miscellaneous characters that do and say nothing and just hang out in the background, and then one other main character, a fat dragon with a vernacular addiction towards some kinda Ebonics, named Dulcy (which I suppose might have been from the comics I hear, but talk about a wtf addendum). And (even though it's reasonably accurate from the games), Tails could suddenly and inexplicably fly. Something I ultimately disapproved of, since I kinda liked him in the minor role, more or less an innocent and defenseless kid position, kinda like they were starting all over again in this harsh world, driving on with a new family and the roles therein. Now they seem more like a band of rowdy hooligans with a hefty bag of bamboozlement and tomfoolery to foil the ebil Robuttnik's shenanigans. Basically, everyone just got more and more retarded, but I did like the continual intolerance Snively had with Robotnik's abusive and ungracious attitude towards him, and Snively's eventual rise to power. You can only kick a guy so much before he fights it, I say.

Then they start killing the whole thing by whoring it all up with magic and vortexes and shit, like a fat sack of Anna Nicole Smith. Even the fuckin rings began to seem like Popeye's spinach, all going supernova and shit when they rise from the pond or find their way into Sonic's chubby hands. And, when one Power Ring isn't enough, Sonic always has three more somewhere up his anus. Not saying it doesn't make sence that he'd have all these rings collected, but it was a little overpowered is all I'm saying.

Plus, there were various instances where it would have been anything but a breath of air for either of the foes to get rid of each other. But they just kinda... let each other go with a smack on the ass and fond farewells.

Sadly, at times I kinda felt like I wanted some of the episodes to just be over, so I could get onto the next one. That's very depressing to me.

Overall positive things within the series:

Lots of action for the most part, and the momentum of the series was carried around relatively decently. They did add a significant amount of history to the Sonic universe that was very enjoyable for me, and they made a solid attempt to answer vague questions you might have about the current universe—such as where the Power Rings came from, that Robotnik's real name is Julian, how he had risen to power, how he got his robotic arm, what 'robotisizing' is, and "Why so bald, Snively?"

Overall negative things within the series:

Although, certainly not excluded from the first season, the whole "Let's juice", "I'm juicin'", "CALL ME JUICE", "Juice!", "Fuckin' juice", "PIMP JUICE!", etc, etc... Couldn't have been any less annoying though. I'm glad I had enough sense as a little boy to not let that enter into my choice of diction.

I've also always wanted to smear Antoine's face in with a heavy laden cinder block. There's nothing like a moronic, squealing, barely intelligible, vaguely French, and useless lump of coward to reinforce racial stereotypes at a young age, hahahaha. Holy shit! AMURICAN MUSCLE GUISE.

Synopsis:

Even though it later turned out to be an Aladdin version of Tom and Jerry, "All's well that ends well." And, it had an epic ending... I was like, “Fuckin BALLS! Holy shit what is that!? The thing with the glowy freaky eyes in the shadow! OH GOD IT'S OVER! NOOOO!! *weeping on knees* *close curtain*

Here are some classic lines from the series that made me lul hard:

(Bunnie and Sally are being mind controlled by Robotnik and capture Sonic, taking him to be 'robotisized'.)
Sonic: Sal, hold up! Don't do this! Sal it's me, your best friend, your best bud, _{your main squeeze...}

(Bunnie Rabbot is reading Tails a story about Robin Hood and the Big Bad Wolf.)
Tails: That wolf is nasty, huh Bunnie?
Bunny: Nasty as a one eyed snake, Sugar.

(Sonic is being crowded in by a buncha angry robots.)
Sonic: You know what your problem is? You're aaaaaaalllllll ugly!

(Right after a failed experiment that Snivley created.)
Robotnik: Snivley, what color is my heart?
*Robotnik opens up his mouth*
Snivley: I don't see a heart, sir.
Robotnik: Exactly...

(Robotnik's experimental doomsday robot was just sabotaged by a pack of freedom fighter wolves in a canyon.)
Robotnik: Hmmmm...
*Robotnik observes some caves on a cliff ledge and opens an on-screen communication with Snively*
Robotnik: Snively?
Snivley: Sir?
Robotnik: Have you noticed that there are cave on top of the canyon wall, but none at ground level?
Snivley: Oh. Yes, sir.
Robotnik: What does that tell you?
Snivley: That the wolves… *squeak* used to be very tall?

(Snively captures Antoine and attempts to torture him off the assumption that his has very little weaknesses based on the data recorde that indicate he is a Royal Squire and will be hard to make talk.)
Snivley: Now, I will make some Crêpe Suzettes.
Snively begins to pour the batter into the frying pan rather lavishly*
Antoine: Awk! You fuel (fool), you are using too much of ze battair. No, no, no, no, no... Crêpe Suzettes are thin an delicated.
Snivley: I know. Hmmmm, hmm, hmm, hmmm...
Antoine: Nooooo!
*Antoine screams and wails in agony for a while*
(After some dialog between Sonic and Chuck they come back to Antoine and Snively with a table variety of ill contrived French delicacies.)
Snivley: Are you going to talk?
Antoine: Yes, no, yes, no! I cannot be disappointing to my princess. NO! I WILL NEVER TALK!
Snivley: Then I must make escargot!
*Snively presents a bucket of snails.*
Antoine: But, escargot are too special you fiend. Ze must be prepare-ed just right, you maniac!
Snivley: Yes, yes, of course. We start with plump, juicy snails...
Antoine: Oui.
Snivley: And, a little garlic...
*Antoine takes in a heavy sniff of the garlic and sighs with relief.*
Antoine: Oh, oui again.
Snivley: Aaaaand...
*Snively presents Antoine with two stick of...*
Antoine: Buttair? Oui, oui, oh yes, oui, buttair!
Snivley: MAAAARGARINE!
*Snively cackles madly and Antoine has a conniption fit*

(Sonic finds sleeping on his guard shift.)
Sonic: Ho maaan... if brains had hair, he's be a cue ball.